![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
the rantings of a mad man
Dec. 9th, 2005
08:10 pm - ever since my masochistic baby went and left me...
Here I am, sitting in front of the computer attempting to do homework once again. having neglected my lj for quite some time now, I think it is time for a post.
I took the SAT recently. not too optimistic about the math portion.
I turned 18 on the first. big whoop. not really. I got an icecream scooper.
School has consumed my life. I havn't been out much.
my dad is renting a limo for me to party in this saturday (birthday gift). too bad so many folks are at college that would otherwise be enjoying it with me.
yeah, I'm pretty bored at the moment. waiting for something to happen.
Oct. 23rd, 2005
10:12 pm
A girl sits on the water’s edge. She is surrounded by her friends. Not another person goes near. The birds are eating from her hand. It is easy to see that she finds great pleasure in feeding the birds. She needs no one to help her; it is her thing to do. Birds always love those who feed them. A conditional, love but love nonetheless. It is the feeling of having warm creatures vying for your attention, wanting your love. That something so simple as a handful of bread crumbs could be used to bring a smile to a young girl’s face, it warms my cold heart. As does the sun on my skin, as it rises behind a far away mountain, glistening on the water and illuminating her perfect smile. As the sun’s rays fall upon my kin I feel a familiar warmth fill my body. Alas, class beckons and so her time by the water must end. Disappearing into the crowd of students, she still wears her smile, fulfilled and ready to learn. I see the students are moving in great numbers now, indicating to me that it is time that I, as well, should return to class. Class, one of the many places I do not wish to be at this moment. My mind has too may other thoughts, feelings and memories to deal with. A lesson in this state, it would pass just over my head, out of reach of my consciousness. The air is still cool this morning. Autumn brings the brightest of colors and the most beautiful of skies. Low, wispy clouds hang like chandeliers over the lake, the sun, filtering through, bestows upon these clouds a magnificent orange ambiance, reflected off the water, flooding the landscape with vibrant color. Although bright and beautiful, these colors that fill the sky, knowing what it is that makes them this way saddens me. I know that these clouds are merely swirling cocktails of vapors and toxins, toxins that will one day kill her birds. The beautiful, simple birds who would hurt no one become the victims of man’s dependence on industry. But it is the beauty of the moment that matters at this instant. The way the early morning light casts the shadows and colors the sky. The way one girl interacts with her feathered friends. The sound of an insect’s tsunami crashing lightly on the shore. The beauty of this moment lifts my heart from a cold dark place, saving me from my own despair. Love your friends, big and small, feathers or fur, old and young. You will never know what may happen tomorrow…
Oct. 20th, 2005
08:10 pm - 360
I just got back from bainbridge Island earlier this afternoon. I was there from monday till today as a chaperone at Islandwood, the school in the woods. for 4 days I was in charge of 8 hyperactive, yelling, punching, running, stubborn 10 year olds. I was also called upon to look after and entertain, at times, at least 30 more hyperactive, yelling, punching, running, stubborn 10 year olds. overall I have to say I had a wonderful time. I brought my guitar and played them some songs (mostly made up on the spot), and on the ferry ride back to seattle there were about 15 kids clammoring about me asking if they would ever see me again and begging for one more song and wanting me to write my phone number on their hands. but the laughing and the singing and all the good times have to come to an end at some point.
I had the most violent emotional 360 of my life. as soon as I got off the ferry my dad was waiting, dressed all in black, to take me to Eric's memorial. it was held in the japanese garden in the arboretum, a place that he loved to visit. we later went to his mothers house to drown our tears with sushi and sake.
And now I desperately need the sleep I have been lacking.
wiped outSep. 21st, 2005
04:44 pm
When I was a kid, my dad's good friend Eric was a regular visitor in our home. every time he came over he seemed to bring with him a great feeling of joy. I remember pizza eating contests and cleaver jokes every time him and his kids visited. he was a prominent figure in my childhood and was considered part of our family.
about two years ago now, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. since then my family has watched helplessly as his body deteriorated. his health declined, he lost weight, as the life seemed to drain from his body. the last time I saw him (my father, I, my sister Eric and his son went to dinner) he weighed less than 100 pounds, looking like a corpse. the look in his eyes screamed out in pain. he had been sitting in his favorite chair all day, staring out the window.
on sunday night, unable to breathe, he was taken to the hospital. his lungs had filled with fluid, his body riddled with tumors. he was put on a respirator. calling to his girlfriend and siblings he said he was ready to make his will.
Eric passed away last night.
his body had given up but his mind never did. he fought with death until the very end.
his pain is over. he is at peace. I see his smile. I hear his laughter.
sadJul. 6th, 2005
09:07 pm
vodka + rum + white russians x beer run = bruised ribs, sprained ankle, 3 human bites, scraped knee and bloody shoulder. I'm not drinking for a while.
Jun. 5th, 2005
05:35 pm
I havn't posted in a while. my school year is coming to an end in 3 days and I've been devoting almost all my time to my final project (yeah, I'm actually doing it). I just realized that my school's summer break is a whole month longer than other schools. folklife was awsome. this weekend is the second annual naked bike ride. I'm trying to organize some people to go so if your not busy this saturday you should come. visit the website for more info and sign up @ http://worldnakedbikeride.org/
I miss all my friends whome I havnt seen in forever. (almost all of you on lj). I hope to see you all again soon. until then, peace and love.
-your evil puppy (Andreas)
contemplativeMay. 1st, 2005
08:52 pm
school is no good, I can't keep up.
home is no good, dent in the celing.
friendships are weak, so very few.
on top of that my sanity is slipping away again.
I was fine just last week but that's gone.
I'm still relaxed but it only amplifies the shit.
back in the slump I thought I had escaped.
I sleep, cold and alone.
Apr. 25th, 2005
07:06 pm
Wow. If you have ever seen the movie Office Space, thats how I feel. fucking relaxed. maybe a little too relaxed, if that is possible. I still can't get over how fucking weird my school is! today a guy came in with a batch of chronic brownies and by the end of the day almost half of the population of my school was high and giggly.
My teacher talked to me today about all the work I'm missing and that I need to get it done and turned in. Her words registered, were so familiar (every teacher comments on how I am in A student in class and appear to understand the material better than most students, but are perplexed as to why I will not produce when it comes to homework) but with my new "personality", if you will, it just doesn't make an ounce of a difference. It's not that I don't understand the importance of doing the homework, I just find myself lost in my own thoughts every time I try to write something. another think I have discovered about my writing: prompts kill my writing ability (unless of course its about something I care or know enough about). I first noticed it taking one of those standardized tests, sitting in front of a blank page trying to think about the prompt, my mind drifting off to what happened last friday to how many guitar picks I have left at home to how I can score a quick twenty bucks to how the hell I might be able to sneak out of the class and ditch the test. and now when I sit down to try to do some homework, I bring out the assignment open the book grab a pen and paper (or open a word document), but instead of doing the work I end up writing poetry or a short story or some creative or opinion piece or write more for my book (I now have a folder full of writing that's about as thick as a dictionary, most of it nonsense, some of it illegible, but some of it is good). I swear, this ADD is one day either going to be the key to my salvation or the seed of my destruction.
a little too relaxedApr. 7th, 2005
09:44 pm
My school is interesting. Unfortunately having been out of a steady school for months and my ADD and all else has left me with a severe disadvantage. The class is supposed to be done with the book Black Boy, I'm not even half way through. We had an essay on the first 5 chapters and the introduction due last monday, I just finished my intro paragraph tonight. We had two math assignments due today, I turned in one (it was incomplete). It is a good school, the topics we discuss are interesting, the people are interesting, the campus is awesome, the class schedule is great. Unfortunately, like most schools it only works for people who can work, but I'm a thinker, not a worker. Fucking hell, again I have to wonder what will become of me. What's the point of learning if I can't produce anything to show for it? I'm still looking for other options and am open to suggestions.
peace and love my friends
crappyMar. 28th, 2005
09:01 pm
Oi! i got a new bass today. Im fuckin happy! today was also my first day at OMA, which was interesting. the hub is a million and one times better than any highschool cafeteria I have ever been in. and I get an HOUR lunch there! sweetness. theres also some real cool folks. a few folks who went to hale, one who i hadnt seen since eckstien (that was cool seein her again) and another girl I had met only recently through myspace. I kept looking at her for almost an hour before i figured out it was her, and damn! shes cute. I think I've finally found a school I like.
so yeah, if any of you who play instruments (that would be you rhys) wanna jam with me and my new bass gimme a call.
P.S. I was out till around midnight with joel last night and my dad got pretty pissed so Im grounded till next week.
peace and love bitches!
insanely happyNavigate: (Previous 10 Entries)
